dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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