I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
