My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
