i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
