She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
