Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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