I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
