I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
