on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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