Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
