I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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