Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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