The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
