Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
