Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
