we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
