i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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