...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
