Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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