Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize