Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
