I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize