Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
