I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
