If that was your dad, he is hot
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
