Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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