my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
