can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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