I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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