She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
