He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
