i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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