I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
