i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you