What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.