I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me