R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
