hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
