My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
