There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
