Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
