he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
