Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The ass gains better be worth it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
