Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
