I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
