Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
