when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
