I bet he comes in French.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
