Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
