He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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