How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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