yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
