it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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