he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am available for nakedness
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
