Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
