I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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