took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
