If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
