dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
