Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
