Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
