I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
