Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is premature balding
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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