he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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