I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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