Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize