Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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