woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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