First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
