ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
