i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
