But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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